One Nightstand: Uh-Oh SpaghettiOs!

It's finally happened.

After years of restraint and conformity, I've finally bowed to my innermost desires and indulged myself in a raunchy, what-the-heck-was-I-thinking kind of way. I've talked to a number of friends, looking for comfort, who say they've done much worse after a night of drinking -- but this is SO random...so...out of character for me.

I'm thoroughly embarrassed and hope that by journaling here, I can better come to terms with who I have become and embrace my repressed cravings.

Alright already, here's my confession.

Friday night (read: EARLY Saturday morning) I arrived at the apartment after having spent a long (but fun) evening with the gang from work at an open bar function. I remember racing up the stairs, washing my face, and plunging into bed like one of the people in a Nestea commercial.

Waking with the usual long stretch, I roll over and cannot believe what I think I see through my early morning haze: last night's indiscretions, staring back at me, in the unforgiving daylight. Confused, I sit up and scan the apartment from my bed looking for clues as to what might have happened.

My jeans lay on the floor in the doorway, my boots still inside the legs. The rest of my outfit strewn across the floor. Smiling in disbelief, I bring my eyes back to the indisputable evidence of my weakness. There, on my nightstand, was an open can of Spaghettios with Franks, EMPTY except for the fork that leaned to one side.

I felt dirty.

Apparently, my craving for one of my childhood favorites (which I have restricted myself from for at least the last 10 years) got the best of me in a moment of impaired judgment. Those of you who know me well understand the magnitude of an event like this.

One can = 500 calories.

I still shudder when I think about it.

So caught up in the moment, I didn't bother to heat the Spaghettio's. I ravaged the treat straight from the can with a primal appetite. And I have to tell you, I don't regret it.

As these things go, I had to strip and wash the sheets; the tomato based sauce most certainly would have stained if not treated immediately.

And as I reflect - now - upon the evening and my weakness for the saucy delight, trying to make sense of this, why I did this to myself, how I could be so reckless and uninhibited...I've promised myself that I will never ever EVER again wait that long to be free and passionately indulgent again.

Mmm Mmmmmm Good! ;)

Click the Can above to hear the original 70's jingle.

Always A Woman

Something I said today reminded someone of this song. I was hardly a woman when it came out in 1977 - but after having really listened to it for the first time in years tonight, I think it's spot on.

The video isn't great - but thought you might like to hear the song.
She's Always A Woman To Me (Billy Joel)

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her, as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me

CHORUS
Oh-she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh-and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

CHORUS

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me

Use It or Lose It

(From the Gallup Management Journal, “Feedback for Real”
Author: John Thackray - online 7/16/07 at http://www.artsusa.org/pdf/events/2005/conv/gallup_q12.pdf

I've been fortunate enough to have gone through a couple of courses put on by The Galllup Management Organization. I'm a firm believer in Strengths Based management philosophies and have seen related methodologies applied to successful end .

I spent a day with Laura this past weekend, who's got years of experience in HR - we had a great discussion around employee engagement (she's got a new and growing business). Having just talked about some of Gallup's methodologies with another friend, it was fresh on the mind - I love this stuff!! Sorry if this one's not as sexy as "Hottie for Hire"... It happens to be one of my favorite topics... besides, if I don't use it, I may lose it!

You can check out the link above for the detailed history of the survey but in a nutshell the survey was developed to help managers accurately assess employee engagement. As Gallup is known to do, they collected and researched data from interviews of employees at all levels within a number of organizations. They found that there were twelve core questions that when answered in the affirmative strongly suggested employee engagement. Why bother? There are a couple of reasons. Most importantly, because engaged workforces are more productive overall. Secondly, a disengaged employee is an active employee - who knowingly or unknowingly tears down the very walls your productive employees build.

The 12 questions are:

1) Do you know what is expected of you at work?
2) Do you have the materials and equipment to do your work
right?
3) At work, do you have the opportunity to do what you do best
every day?
4) In the last seven days, have you received recognition or praise
for doing good work?
5) Does your supervisor, or someone at work, seem to care about
you as a person?
6) Is there someone at work who encourages your development?
7) At work, do your opinions seem to count?
8) Does the mission/purpose of your company make you feel your
job is important?
9) Are your associates (fellow employees) committed to doing
quality work?
10) Do you have a best friend at work?
11) In the last six months, has someone at work talked to you
about your progress?
12) In the last year, have you had opportunities to learn and grow?

The GO collects and arranges an engagement index, too, which is especially helpful when you conduct the Q12 survey with them. They use the index for comparative analysis - putting your individual team and/or company results into some context.

The index has the following designations:
• Engaged employees - work with passion and feel a profound connection to
their company. They drive innovation and move the organization forward.
• Not-Engaged employees - are essentially “checked out.” They are
sleepwalking through their workday. They are putting in time, but not
enough energy or passion into their work.
• Actively Disengaged employees - aren’t just unhappy at work; they’re
busy acting out their unhappiness. Every day, these workers undermine
what their engaged co-workers accomplish.

I've used some of the questions to form the basis of questions I used in my own performance review - (anonymous web based review from direct reports). The responses were insightful and when my official Q12 scores came back there were no surprises.

Thoughts? Comments? Experience?

The Law of Attraction - It's No Secret

My favorite grad school professor turned me on to a fantastic book "Before You Think Another Thought: An Illustrated Guide to Understanding How Your Thoughts and Beliefs Create Your Life" by Bruce Doyle. The book is a primer in understanding the Law of Attraction, a theory attributed to William Atkinson's "Thought Vibration or the Law of Attraction in the Thought World." Notably, however, the principles of the Law of Attraction appear in a number of historic, sometimes sacred, texts -- including the Bible.

Recently spit-shined and glamorized for pop consumption in the book and corresponding DVD "The Secret", the Law of Attraction simply suggests that our lives (reality as we perceive it) are a manifestation of our most predominant thoughts. Essentially it says "You'll see it when you believe it," rather than the converse.

Formed by our past experiences, beliefs are the basis of our thoughts and our thoughts form the basis of our actions. Our actions tell the Universe what we expect to happen and the Universe complies. Why? How? Some quantum physicists say that thoughts have a measurable energy that, as a rule, attracts like energy. If one has a positive thought it can therefore be expected to attract a positive manifestation (outcome).

Ideally, then, we should focus on what we DO want versus what we DON'T want in order to see the most desirable outcome because at the end of the day -- you ARE what you THINK.

If you THINK about drama, scandals and unhappiness , you'll produce them. If you focus on THINKING about rich experiences and happy endings, you'll produce THOSE instead. If you think you won't win - you won't. If you, like The Little Engine that Could, think you can, you will.

Sounds simple enough, but here's the caveat; remember I said that thoughts are derived from our beliefs which are derived from our past experience? Well, imagine for a moment, that before I knew about the Law of Attraction I learned about love from observing my parents' interaction (this is a super-simplified hypothetical example). Say then that my parents divorced and I witnessed their grief over the loss of their marriage/love. I subsequently form a belief that love ends in heartbreak. A belief like this was necessary at the time; it made it possible to understand the observable situation.

Fast forward - assuming I still carry that belief somewhere in my stable of beliefs, my thoughts will continue to be affected as will my subsequent actions and therefore the outcome of my romantic relationships. So, if I continue to think that love always ends in heartbreak, it will.

You can avoid this phenomenon by simply reevaluating your fundamental beliefs every so often taking care to get rid of those you know are limiting or no longer necessary.

It can be a helpful and insightful exercise to list ALL of your beliefs - as many as you can - on paper. You'll be surprised to see just how many are limiting or antiquated!

Bottom line: check out the book by Doyle - it's a quick read. If you're an Oprah fan, she highly recommends checking out The Secret (click on the title in the 2nd paragraph to go to the official site; for $5 you can view the 90 min video online - I did and thought it was worth it). Either way, in what can seem like an out of control existence it's good to be reminded that we ultimately create our reality one thought at a time.

Video Killed the Radio Star

Got this from Mike who said, "Isn't it funny how the skinny little kid gets the big ass instrument and the chunky kid gets the little mandolin." I thought it was great!!! I love to see kids pull this kind of stuff together! It reminds me of a recent performance by E & S - "The Hardest Button to Button" (White Stripes) with E on vocals and S rocking out the electric guitar.

The Hate Game

I try not to use the word "hate." I encourage the kids to use words like, "strongly dislike" "strong distaste for" etc. instead. Its such a serious and strong word. Which is in part why The Hate Game is so much fun.

Essentially an adult tantrum, the game acknowledges the irony in applying a severe word like "hate" to random or trivial things that you genuinely dislike. It can be especially funny when coupled with serious things because you get to decide when someone is serious or joking. Score is kept and tally marks given for each Hateful Statement. The more funny and therapeutically true statements get extra points.

Here's how it got started.

Just around lunch time I had a rough call at work. After hanging up I surprised myself when I mustered under my breath "I HATE my life." Hearing the call and the humor in my unnecessarily severe statement my faithful work companion burst into laughter. The seal was broken and the hate poured out in an instant message to him:

...I hate my life.
I hate biting into a cheeseburger with grizzle.
I hate waking up in the middle of the night feeling like I'm late for work.
I hate to cry when I have fresh makeup on.

I instantly came up with 16 Hate Statements (in as many seconds), some true and others simply melodramatic, and then I ran out of steam. Who knew something so funny could be so therapeutic!? So a few other coworkers, needing to vent and hearing of the game, joined in. Here's a random selection of the results from the inaugural game:

I hate waiting for hot water to come out of the faucet.
I hate when there's no toilet paper in a public restroom.
I hate the way I feel after a one night stand. (This one won huge laughs!!!)
I hate having 4 bottles of shampoo and no conditioner.
I hate finding that I have a pepper in my teeth after lunch with "friends"
I hate bureaucracy.
I hate waiting for a response to a text message.
I hate that a single beer has 150 calories.
I hate making the last box of mac n cheese to find that I undercooked the noodles.
I hate liars.
I hate the way bars wash their drink glasses.
I hate scrubbing the toilet.

And so on.

Wanna play?